The Only Champagne Rules That Matter

I find myself in the position of having to explain Champagne to people who are otherwise functional adults, and I want to be clear that I find this deeply tiring. Nevertheless.

Rule One: Temperature

Champagne is served cold. Not room temperature, which is where I've seen bottles opened at certain gatherings I've attended and immediately left. Not "just out of the fridge," which is often too cold. The correct temperature is 47–50°F — about 8–10°C for those of you with the good sense to use Celsius. This allows the aromas to actually function.

If you do not have a thermometer for your wine, you don't need a thermometer for everything, but you need to understand that the bottle you've been "chilling" in a bucket of ice for forty minutes is probably too cold and you should wait five minutes. This is a thing people do not do and it shows.

Rule Two: The Glass

Flutes are acceptable. Coupes are correct. Tulip glasses are, frankly, the most technically sound option, though they look a bit clinical for a celebration. What is not acceptable: the wide-rimmed, flat "coupe" that was designed in a post-war fever dream and loses carbonation in approximately ninety seconds. A real coupe has a bowl. There is a difference.

Rule Three: What You're Actually Drinking

Non-vintage Champagne is what you drink most of the time. It's a blend of years, crafted for consistency, and the major houses do it extraordinarily well. Vintage Champagne is for an occasion. If you're opening a vintage bottle and the occasion is "Tuesday," either elevate the Tuesday or reconsider the bottle.

Also: Prosecco and Cava are not Champagne. They are fine. They are not Champagne.

You may proceed.